something...

I mean, it's probably nothing.

But I must admit I've been deriving some sort of felicity from our correspondence.

Which is probably wrong. We're friends, aren't we? For me, at least, we are. I'm too scared to ask you anything because it might put you off and cause you to distance yourself from me, so I hold myself back from throwing stupid questions in your direction and plague myself instead with torturous what-ifs lacking definite answers.

I want to fall in love with you. The want in this statement implies a consciousness on my part, a decision waiting to be made. Should I jump or shouldn't I?

I really don't know.